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Old 17-04-12, 19:50
FlibbleFamily FlibbleFamily is offline
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Default Needing a little support

It's more of a vent, but I could really do with a kick up the bum and reminder that hubby and I are doing the right thing. I know in my heart of hearts that we are, but I've had some very difficult conversations today and been made to feel stupid.

so far today I've had good and bad chats with fellow parents, none of whom HE or have ever considered HE.

As a little back story: Hubby James and I were going to leave Sophie until the May half term before deregistering her, but she's getting so down in mainstream that we're personally handing a dereg letter to the head in a meeting we've arranged for friday afternoon, citing monday as Soph's last day. She wants to say a proper goodbye to her friends in her class, and give out sweets. personally I think she wants to basically figuratively stick two tiny fingers up at the school before running out and not looking back...

so, there I was having a nice cuppa with two of my "besties" (L and H, amazing support and wonderful friends) and another mum (Ha) who I don't know and who has never struck me as someone I'd get on with, but I was willing to be civil and nice and friendly etc. you know, just in case my first impressions were wrong (evidently they were right lol!)

she basically made out that I am a terrible parent for even considering HE, my daughter will end up a jobless burden on the state, how dare I consider trying to teach a child when I myself am dyslexic (who the hell told her I would like to know, because I sure as hell didn't??!), how do I know Sophie will be happy etc, what about socialisation (yes that lovely old myth again), how will I cope when my depression flares up again etc...

I think I fought our corner well.... but I still feel deflated! once she'd gone my "besties" helped to pump me back up, but one called me "brave" and the other called me "a revolutionary". I'm neither, I just happen to know that not every square peg can be hammered until they fit in a round hole! oh well. I don't have to pretend to want to be friends much longer!!

(And as for the depression, I think some of it will be solved when I am not longer having to fight with and force the most special person in my life to do something she hates day after day!)

uuurgh. sorry. I needed to vent to people who have probably experienced all of this before! I know my skin will get thicker, but it's still not nice being told you're a bad parent.

thanks for reading if you got this far!
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Old 18-04-12, 20:15
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Sheila Struthers Sheila Struthers is offline
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I think most of us will have experienced similar at some point.

Your "besties" are just trying to help. They haven't had to think through what you have and probably find it all a bit scary.

As for everyone else? Well it's not as if you're doing anything irreversible. If it doesn't work then the school will still be there.
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Old 18-04-12, 23:35
Lorraine Lorraine is offline
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People are always going to judge you for what you do or don't do - that's life. I know it's hard not to take it personally, but try and ignore these kinds of negative comments. You have to be confident that you are doing the right thing for you and your child. As long as you remember that, nothing else matters. When your child grows up, she is going to be brilliant, and she'll be grateful to you for listening to her when she needed you to.

We've only just started home-educating our little boy this week, and it seems to be going really well. HIs behaviour has been really good (and yet they had such trouble with him at school...), and he just seems so happy and smiley all the time. We still meet up with his former classmates after school at the local park, and a couple of the mums have commented on how much happier he looks. So just try and surround yourself with positive people, and just you wait and see how much brighter your little girl will shine once you take her out of school!

And remember: you're not a terrible parent - you're the very best!
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Old 19-04-12, 08:46
Mickey Mickey is offline
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It makes me so angry when I hear about idiots making silly judgements like this. I have developed a thick skin and you will too, content in the knowledge that you are doing what's best for your family. Nobody else knows what that is as we are all different and so are our families. How would Ha like it if you said you felt sorry for her children having such a narrow minded bigot for a mother? She'd be upset and fizzing, I'm sure. But you wouldn't tell her what is best for her family or how she should behave. Just as she has no right to inflict her "advice" on you. I used to say to people like her, "Oh, do you know home educators? No? Have you read about HE then? No? Oh, I see". That would shut them up (as they toddled home to watch crappy daytime tv and forget about their children for six hours..)
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Old 19-04-12, 22:35
Polly Polly is offline
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Some people really know how to put other people down don't they?

I must say I've never had anyone tell me that our child will be a jobless layabout, not be able to do exams or will be useless - apart from MIL who is German and terrified that we'll go to jail as HE is illegal where she comes from We just keep pointing out that our DS is learning far more than in school and HE is LEGAL so no jail for us I have had discussions with friends early on who just didn't understand how it all worked, and I've had the "you're brave" comments, but I felt they were even braver trusting their child's education to local schools

If someone ever did speak to me like that unspeakable woman spoke to you, I'm afraid my only answer would be

"Are you always this rude, ignorant and opinionated - or is this a special occasion?"

Just remember, the ONLY people you have to justify your choice of HE to is yourselves. If people ask politely about HE and are willing to listen to your answers and you feel happy to answer that's different, but if they are plain rude and derogatory, you don't have to listen and you certainly don't have to justify anything.

Hope you feel better after your 'rant' sometimes just letting it all out makes it so much easier to bear
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Old 20-04-12, 10:39
Diane Diane is offline
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Well, statistically, far more young people who go to school will end up jobless and, since the system actually incorporates the idea of unemployment for a section of the population, the system will ensure that many people will be unemployed). But do most people thrive in a culture which forces the machine model on them? Are folk who have 'steady jobs' (no such thing any more even if there ever was) happy? Fulfilled? And, even if they abandon their special selfhood for the reward of money, are they happy and contented?

Why would anyone imagine that school could guarantee full employment for everyone? Just shows that the woman who attacked your choice - the best choice for your child - was schooled. They can't help it really - they haven't had the benefits of being able to develop logical thought processes which only happens when you have time and leisure (as in home ed.) to THINK!

Feel sorry for the daft bint (who can't be bothered to do five minutes of thinking or research which proves that home edded kids do very well thank you!) and forget her. You've stepped outside the system so agents of the system will NEVER be your friends.

Diane
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Old 20-04-12, 16:37
FlibbleFamily FlibbleFamily is offline
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Thanks so much you guys, I needed the pep talk!
Well, my daughter has officially left school. We opted to have a meeting with the head as we didn't want to leave on a bad note and although it felt like psychological warfare most of the time, hubby and I stood firm and I was so proud of us! we're not confident people most of the time (another throwback to our own school days).
I was even more proud when the head asked sophie "So, how do you feel at school?" and sophie said "Angry, sad and left out".
"Wont you miss your friends and Mr G (her class teacher)?"
"Not as much as I'll enjoy the work we do at home!" and then went back to her game of Angry Birds on my phone.

The head also tried to make out that I was doing MYSELF a disservice by "taking on" Sophie's education as if school is doing us a favour by being a free babysitting service. humpf.

Unfortunately the narrow minded mum is a friend of a friend and I can't dictate who my friends are also friends with, BUT knowing I am having to spend an evening with her (curry and horror movie night round H's house, L invited her. grrr) I already have some answers to any arguments she may want to try and start lol!

It also appears we may be the first of a few who leave the school for similar reasons to us! I'd love to be a fly on the wall when Mrs J (the head) finds out other parents are considering pulling their children out.
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Old 20-04-12, 17:17
jessiejames jessiejames is offline
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Quote:
It also appears we may be the first of a few who leave the school for similar reasons to us! I'd love to be a fly on the wall when Mrs J (the head) finds out other parents are considering pulling their children out.
Had a similar experience when I first did home ed, half the class left I found out that the school was in danger of having to merge 3 years of classes into one!

That suggested to the LA there was a problem in the school, or it could have been the fact I told it straight as to why we were leaving, and the head teacher suddenly retired
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Old 20-04-12, 20:44
Diane Diane is offline
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"Thanks so much you guys, I needed the pep talk!
Well, my daughter has officially left school. We opted to have a meeting with the head as we didn't want to leave on a bad note and although it felt like psychological warfare most of the time, hubby and I stood firm and I was so proud of us! we're not confident people most of the time (another throwback to our own school days).
I was even more proud when the head asked sophie "So, how do you feel at school?" and sophie said "Angry, sad and left out".
"Wont you miss your friends and Mr G (her class teacher)?"
"Not as much as I'll enjoy the work we do at home!" and then went back to her game of Angry Birds on my phone."

Your daughter sounds like an amazing young person. I am sure that she, and you, will do well and prosper.

Diane
http://www.threedegreesoffreedom.blogspot.com
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Old 21-04-12, 19:44
raq23 raq23 is offline
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Yay congratulations!
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