"Why are your Children not in school?"...Dealing with comments

[Nina]

Hi Everyone!
I'm quite new to all of this so please bare with me!

I was just looking for some feedback as to how you all cope with peoples negative comments regarding home schooling.

We are home schooling our two boys 10 & 7 1/2 yrs and also have a little toddler 20 mths. We have recently moved house and had been speaking to our new neighbours who asked what school our boys went to. I explained we home schooled the boys and all the disadvantages of school and the wonderful advantages of home schooling. I was then told off like a naughty school girl in front of the kids!:embarrassed:
They went on to tell me they know all about class sizes etc and inform me that they are a retired school teacher and headteacher!
She said "I used to tell my pupils life is NOT about doing what YOU WANT to do so get used to it"... Such wonderful insight don't you agree?
She questioned me non stop about socialising and curriculum and more....
I was dazed to say the least after that and disheartened at peoples lack off encouragement for using our valued time to educate our children, spending time and enjoying time with our kids, seeing them develop their skills and truly being apart of it. Not just getting a rushed 5 minute parents night talk twice a year telling us what your child is not doing...
Later that night I got a dressing down from a family member in front of the kids again on how they were social misfits and would be unable to make friends or have friends he then went on to ask my son hard maths questions which upset my son as he was so stressed he couldn't answer them.
My son later apologised for not knowing the answer and said he would go back to school if it meant I didn't get anymore hassle! Poor wee thing!

Anyone had any similar experiences and how do you handle the question why are your children not in school?

[suze]

Hi Nina

Oh my god! I can't believe the nerve of some people. I have been home edding my 10 year old for a couple of months and have had very mixed reactions from people. My mother in law is an assistant head at a secondary school and suprisingly she has been very supportive. My brother on the other hand (who happens to be a teacher as well) was horrified. He said i was forcing my political beliefs and lifestyle choices onto my kids! I also overheard him asking my son if he was really happy and that he really must miss his friends to which he replied, "I'm really happy and no I dont miss my friends because I still see them".

I am begining to learn not to let other peoples opinion affect me. I know my children better than anyone as you do yours and the very fact that you consciously sought out a better way for your kids rather than just mindlessly accepting the status quo of mainstream education proves that you are doing the best thing for you.

Some people are automatically fearful and suspicious of people who do not follow the herd and I think that is why they react badly or seek to ridicule you. I would never dream in questioning my neighbours about their choices to send thier kids to school. In my head I may be thinking "how could you cart your children off like that", "how could you let your childs individuality be dampened down and be spoon fed exam techiniques to leave after so many years and not have retained a single thread of knowledge except for the ability to conform." I may think these things but I would respect my neighbours choice and not get on my soap box.

I have learned from my son to just think "whatever" and walk away.

Suze

[s836apg]

Hi,

I turn the tables on such people and it usually works.... I tell them that the law states that the education of a child is the parent's responsibility, that my husband and I take that very seriously and do not delegate that responsibility to the state. However, some people prefer not to and allow the state to take on their responsibility.
The conversation normally goes no further .....

Fiona

[Ali Admin]

You are scary though, Fiona.

You do get used to that sort of attitude from people who really can't help but comment on your choice, often because they are 'professionals' who have never had reason to challenge the status quo or consider just what a daft idea mass schooling is.

Once it is pointed out that we take our responsibilities far more seriously than those who simply warehouse their children on a daily basis, the brighter ones will usually engage in discussion of the whys and wherefores of home ed. Unfortunately there are a lot of bigots about who are best ignored.

As the years go on, you will find your children are the best advert for home ed (unless they choose to try school for a while, in which case they might be accused of making eye contact and speaking to teachers as equals).

Be assured that thick skins grown remarkably quickly and HE friends are friends for life, not just the school gate.

[Nina]

Thank you for replying! You are so right as others have already noticed the difference in our two boys -especially the youngest who was completely traumatised during his first year at school.
We got him cranial sacral treatment once we took him out of school to release some of the stress he had. During the treatment we were told that he had experienced trauma about a year ago which was when he started school! He also asked how he got on with reading -this had been a problem at school as he refused to read and said he couldn't do it. All of these issues have been released and my goodness what a difference he is now reading everything in sight and with being away from school he is learning so fast and is so much more happier. We now have our wee boy back at last! We just need to get them both some new friends now!!

[Sheila Struthers]

Ali is right, you'll have grown a thick skin before you know it.

These days I find people are more interested than critical - but maybe my thick skin has made me scary

Families can take time I'm afraid...

My mum is a very pro-school ex-teacher/educationalist. I know she would be happier if my son was "doing a proper course" but she did say to me a few months back that "we were doing a good job with him" which meant a lot to me

[Earthtracer]

Hi Nina!
As you can see, there is plenty support for people on this Forum. Of our three, two were never at secondary school and one was, but had only had a year of primary. (We carted them off in a horse-drawn caravan for seven years, so school was not an option!) The oldest had no exams to his name but did a catch up course at Angus College, then followed an HNC in Applied Ecology with an HND and has been gainfully employed ever since. Our daughter who will be 28 this month (Omigod! 28! Can't believe that!!!) still has no paper qualifications but has been working with horses since she was 16 and is much in demand. She has been 3 times to Oz and 3 or 4 times to the US, too. The yougest, who went to school aged 13, picked up all the bad habits within weeks but still managed to survive and has just started 3rd year at Stirling Uni.
I mention all this because the one thing that scared me, at the start, was that we might be damaging the children's life! Back then there was only EO (in a rather better state than the current nasty outfit) and they were not exactly on the doorstep to offer advice. Schoolhouse was not in existence.
It seems funny now, but at the time, the fear was very real.
Good luck!

[Mickey]

They went on to tell me they know all about class sizes etc and inform me that they are a retired school teacher and headteacher! She said "I used to tell my pupils life is NOT about doing what YOU WANT to do so get used to it"...

You have saved your children from the prospect of retiring as bitter, grumpy old gits like this pair!

[Nina]

That is just what I thought at the time Mickey!!

[Mickey]

Great minds, Nina, lol!

I used to get the ignorant remark "I dinnae agree wi it," when I told folks round here that J was home educated.

I soon got quite brave with my replies and would answer "Oh, do you know someone who is home educated? No? Have you read about it? No?"

People soon learnt to keep their bigotted, hysterical reactions to themselves!